Signs That You Are Addicted to Coffee
- Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
- You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You sleep with your eyes open.
- You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
- You can type sixty words a minute with your toes.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”
- You don’t sweat, you percolate.
- You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You’ve worn the finish off you coffee table.
- The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- Starbuck’s owns the mortgage on your house.
- You’re so wired you pick up FM radio.
- Your life’s goal is to “amount to a hill of beans.”
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
- You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”
- Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
- Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
- The only time you look like you’re standing still is during an earthquake.