Today’s Funny: Phrases You Wish You Could Say At Work

Phrases You Wish You Could Say At Work

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  1. If you got payed a nickel for every stupid idea you had, you’d be a millionaire.
  2. Just when I thought you couldn’t say anything dumber, you keep talking!
  3. I’d smack you in the head, but shit splatters!
  4. That’s so cute… you’d think I give a shit!
  5. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
  6. Ah, I see the f**k-up fairy has visited us again.
  7. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be…?
  8. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  9. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
  10. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
  11. Chaos, panic, and disorder: my work here is done.
  12. Do I look like a people person?
  13. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  14. How about never? Is never good for you?
  15. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  16. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
  17. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
  18. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
  19. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
  20. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
  21. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  22. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
  23. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  24. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
  25. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  26. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
  27. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  28. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
  29. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…
  30. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

 

Turok’s Cabana

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Today’s Funny: Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night


Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

— Dylan Thomas

 

Turok’s Cabana

Today’s Funny: Signs That You Have Had Too Much To Drink

Signs That You Have Had Too Much To Drink


  1. Her lips may be saying, “Baaaaa,” but her eyes are screaming, “YES!”
  2. The Surgeon General suggests that you take up smoking instead.
  3. You try to claim Jose Cuervo as a dependent on your tax return.
  4. You wake up naked in a strange car, with a painfully fresh piercing in your genitals.
  5. Bush’s foreign policy seems shrewd and effective.
  6. Finding the clothes you wore last night involves crossing state lines.

Turok’s Cabana

Today’s Funny: Signs That You Are Addicted to Coffee

Signs That You Are Addicted to Coffee


  1. Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
  2. You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
  3. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
  4. You sleep with your eyes open.
  5. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
  6. You lick your coffeepot clean.
  7. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
  8. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
  9. You can type sixty words a minute with your toes.
  10. You can jump-start your car without cables.
  11. Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”
  12. You don’t sweat, you percolate.
  13. You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug.
  14. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
  15. You’ve worn the finish off you coffee table.
  16. The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.
  17. Starbuck’s owns the mortgage on your house.
  18. You’re so wired you pick up FM radio.
  19. Your life’s goal is to “amount to a hill of beans.”
  20. Instant coffee takes too long.
  21. You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
  22. You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”
  23. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
  24. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
  25. The only time you look like you’re standing still is during an earthquake.

 

Turok’s Cabana

Today’s Funny: How to Live a Long Life

How to Live a Long Life


A passer-by noticed an old lady sitting on her front step: “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look! What is your secret for such a long, happy life?”

“I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day”, she said. “Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends I pop a huge number of pills and do no exercise at all.”

“This is absolutely amazing at your age!”, says the passer-by. “How old are you?”

“Twenty four.”

Source: Turok’s Cabana